9 Months Later...Re-Birthing

I am approaching the 24th hour of a 48-hour fast. I'll put aside my East Coast judgments and just write.

Exactly 9 months since my last post (the synchronisity), and I am changed, and changing. Re-birthing.

Here's the down-low.

8 months of growth struggle and moments of beauty and deep connection with a wonderful woman being are over, and I have few regrets. 6 years after starting the non-profit I have nurtured to its current state, I leave, intentionally and with heart, with no regrets and many blessings for its future. All the while, a lot of growth, and a conscious decision to let go and step into a new world, really, at this point, a world between worlds.

I said this would be my year of graceful endings. Little did I know what the universe would have in store for me!

I see myself on a voyage between the world I've know for 31 years - control, reason, holding on, planning, grasping, avoiding, fighting, defending - to a new world, of trust, opening, mystery, flow, meaning, acceptance, purpose, and a sensual connection with life, whatever it brings.

It's not about letting go of all the old. It's about letting go of some of it, and embracing much that is new, and coming into balance as a whole being on this precious planet.

The shift is happening, and it's incredible, and it's terrifying and fascinating and mysterious and makes sense on the deepest level. It's been hard and it has been beautiful and it is bearing a lot of fruit.

It's in my dreams. It's in the pod of 50 dolphins that greeted me at the ocean last week, followed by not one, but 2 shooting stars. It's in the forest. It's in the bat that circled my head a dozen times today when I bowed my head there and asked for guidance. As if the hawk's call and giant redwoods were not enough.

It's been a rich nine months: bonfires on the beach, dear, dear friends, cascading tears, hard, important work, helping elect - and celebrate - a new president!, savoring the spring and summer, weathering anxiety, relaxing deeply, floating in the swimming pool for hours, investing deeply in a relationship, loving, Burning Man!!, new music, dressing up, dancing, working through tough internal stuff, embracing, bit by bit and in a very real, organic way, a new understanding of myself and the world.

There is order. There is mystery. We have a purpose. We are held. Our paths are noble, if we can find and stay on them. Faith is key there. So is nature. And the love of friends. And loving ourselves.

And also, recently for me, dolphins and shooting stars and bats, and feathers and candle light and ritual and fasting. And always writing. We need help on this voyage between worlds. We need help, period.

What's next? Continued transformation is my strong guess. Gelling dreams of travel, to the jungles of Costa Rica, to the solitude of death valley in late December, to New York for my dear sister's wedding, to DC for the inauguration of Barack Obama!, to an as yet unidentified location with my closest male friends, and then, February...to Thailand? Laos? ............

I'm staying open to what comes, to how I feel, to what I need, to messages and meaning and opportunities. I don't know if this is the "right" way to live, but it's feeling more like the only way to me.

Love to you. And thanks for supporting me on this voyage.