I'm Going to Fucking Vietnam!

That's right, you heard it here first! I didn't want to get scooped by any other blogs.

Just 5 minutes ago, I handed a very nice young man $180 in cash. He promissed that by Monday he would have ready a 30-day VISA and a plane ticket to Hanoi. Then he sort of darted his eyes around furtively and took off down an alley.

No really the guy was great. He was maybe 25 and handsome in the way virtually all Lao men are. But he didn't proposition me! What gives?!

His friend did say he liked my sideburns however, and the nice young man agreed. I said I liked his sideburns. He pointed out they weren't really sideburns. We sort of looked awkwardly at each other. Actually that was when he did the eye thing and took off down the alley.

In any case, I'm going to Vietnam! It was a very impulsive decision. I'll spare you the whole 'my soul has known for lifetimes that I'm going to Vietnam and my ego just started catching up a few days ago' shtick, even though it's true, cu's it's too late for that bullshit and I'm not in the mood.

I was in the mood to see caves though today (good segue, Krouzman. Once again he compliments himself, and for segues - god this is getting old. Now he's gonna pull the whole cute dialogue with himself or us or whoever thing, like he's doing now, to try to score points for the overuse of the segue thing, and for the lack of pictures on this post. Now we're supposed to be laughing because he's supposedly making fun of himself for making fun of himself. OK now he will stop. Thank god), so I gathered 3 random peeps off the street, pulled my Jedi mind trick shit on them, and convinced them they too wanted to see caves. I then slipped into Israeli mode and found a cheap deal from a local boatman, who steered us 2 hours up the Mekong (sa-weet!) to the Pak Ou caves, where thousands of old buddha statues sort of sit vigil in an eirie silence.

On the way I was having one of my existential crises about my soul and what he fuck I'm doing and all that shit, cus' part of me thinks I need to be alone and walk through darkness for a while. So going to the caves was, well, quite apropos. I found a quiet, dark spot and sat like a good little buddha and asked the caves questions (silently). Some people were scared of me, others were sort of freaked, and the rest I think were only somewhat frightened.

In any case, as I'm having this conversation, a few women and a man (I had my eyes closed but I think they were the acro-yoga circus performer Thai massage students, for real) start to sing and chant incredibly beautifully. Shit like that doesn't happen in Lao.

So here's what the cave says. It says:
* Your worst nightmares and wildest dreams live in the same place (oh fuck, really?!)
* Keep searching and you will find (sweet!)
* Hey, look at you all comfy with the dark. You are learning to feel your way through the dark! (uh, sweet!)

Hey, 2 for 3 ain't bad. Then we floated back home.

It was quite the day. In addition to choosing my next travel step and talking to God (JK, big guy!), I:
* Participated in a Next Generation Board meeting by Skype
* Ate my first pizza in maybe 2 months (yes!)
* Spoke French, English, Spanish, Thai and Lao
* Watched 'Revolutionary Road,' which is basically about following your soul / true calling (what?!)
* Bought 2 silk scarves (you can't walk 10 feet through Asia without being offered stunning silk scarves, and I can't walk 10 feet without buying a couple)

Now I'm drinking a coke and writing you.

So this Vietnam thing. I won't get all sappy or deep on you. Not yet!

I will say that at the little travel agency place I felt a little like Eddie Murphy's character in 'Coming to America' when he's trying to decide where he'll find his bride. Remember the whole globe spinning dealio?

So I'm like, uh, yeah - I mean, Yes! - let's go to Vietnam! How about, Hanoi?! Isn't there a nice Hilton there?

It saddens me that only one of you get the Hilton thing (and he's not reading cus' he just a baby), and way too few get the Eddie thing (love you guys!). Please google both (I know almost none of you will, but a few will, and you will love the Hilton thing. You will.).

In any case if you know anything I should know about Vietnam, please email me asap. Besides remembering something about a little skirmish I think we waged there a few years back, I really know very little.

My friends, after a rollercoaster of a day, spirits are high here aboard ship Krouzman. (Ship Krouzman? You sure you ain't taking those Tuk Tuk drivers up on their H offers? Yes. Mostly. OK, no.)

I love you all! Most of you (hey, it's true).

Roni

ps - Hey scroll down a bit and look-see how I changed the name of my post a few days ago from 'Now We're Talkin'!' to "Lao We're Talkin'!" Get it?! So clever. If Lao ever gets its act together I'm gonna encourage it to drop the dumb 'S' the French put at the end of their name, to stem the confusion AND give their tourism bouard plenty to work with, like:
* Lao...Holy Cow!
* Wow! Lao!
* ah I can't fucking think of a funny third one.

pps - I'm disappointed in how few comments you've left on my blog. Yes you. There, I said it.

ppps - God sometimes you just can't fucking beat a Coca-Cola.