Whoa, Hanoi

I'll say it again: Hanoi is totally nuts.

I feel like a Vietnamese peasant farmer dropped smack down in mid-town Manhattan. Where to begin? Actually, where the fuck am I???

The city is like New York if it didn't have rules and the people were lots shorter.

Driving
Let's start with the driving. Many of you have driven with me, and you know I like to push it some in that area. To me, some weaving and even honking here and there is called for and even fun. But these people take it to a whole new level. They swarm like fish on their motorbikes. And they do not stop honking.

I've seen 3 accidents in 24 hours. Traffic lights are suggestions. Actually, they're not even that: they're just flashing lights. Crossing the street is an act of faith.

Today I actually got a lift on the back of a motorbike. And you know what? It was actually fun and not scary. I may - MAY - rent a motorbike for a day here, but don't count on it.

Walking the Streets
Let's move on to streets and alleys. Whoa, narrow. Whoa, crazy. Super bustling. Tiny little outdoor eateries everywhere. This means a grandma ladling hot soup over rice noodles and people sitting on tiny plastic stools and tiny plastic tables. Sort of like all the locals are relegated to the kids tables. A bowl of rice noodle soup with chicken (yum!) costs 60 cents. Then there are woman carrying super heavy baskets hanging from bamboo poles slung over their shoulders, full of everything from fresh pineapples or oranges to water chestnuts and lots of nondescript items.

The Food...
...is quite good, and I'm just getting started. As I mentioned, a good bowl of soup (Pho) is a classic, dependable stand by. I'm stoked on trying some more seafood.

Oh yeah, and regarding those restaurants: I think Manhattan has something like 2 million people and 1,000 restaurants. Hanoi has like 3.5 million people and must have 10 times that many.

Last night I sat down for some Vietnamese BBQ. They give you a plate of raw beef and veggies, light a large super hot candle under a skillet, and you're on your own. Of course, as it's South East Asia, there seems to be a good amount of fruit here too. Here I am eating a pineapple like it's ice cream. Yum! I've also had a lot of ice cream. 30 cents a cone!

Police...
...are quite present. I thought about this today and thought, "Damn paranoid Commies." Then I realized New York has far more police in its streets. These cops are kind of scary, but not that scary. They look like guys in their late teens dressed up like police-soldiers for Halloween. Yesterday I actually witnessed a little police raid against the bamboo basket ladies. Who would go after the bamboo basket ladies?! In any case they nabbed a couple.

Someone told me that most things run on extortion here, and I believe it, because basically it seems like most things most people are doing most of the time - like driving like maniacs, or selling prawns out of their pockets - must be illegal.

Lakes
There are several lakes in Hanoi. I've visited only one, numerous times. It's a relative respite from the craziness. Lonely Planet says there are 6 foot long turtles in the lake. Yesterday I saw this man doing Thai Chi on its shores. I've heard - OK, Lonely Planet says - there are a string of great seafood restaurants on the shores of a far bigger lake in the city, which I hope to check out.

The Language
I haven't learned one word of Vietnamese and I'm not sure why. I learned some Thai and Lao super quick. I think it's because Vietnamese don't actually speak Vietnamese, so you never here what it's supposed to sound like. Either that or in Hanoi, at least, they dispense with formalities like "Hello" and "Thank you" and skip straight to pointing and shouting.

And Finally, Shameless Hauranging, AKA, Leave me the Fuck Alone
I'm not sure how you spell hauranging, but I know there are thousands of people in this city who do it to you NON STOP. I can't walk 10 feet without being 'offered' a motorbike ride or 'invited' into a restaurant. I use those words loosely because damn are the people doing the offering and inviting aggressive. Here's how it goes:
Me: Doo doo doo
Vietnamese Man: YOU. {Points at me) MOTORBIKE.
Me: Who, me? Oh no thank you.
VM: MOTORBIKE RIDE.
Me: No, really, I'm just going for stroll.
VM: YES. MOTORBIKE.
Me: NO THANK YOU.
VM: Marijuana?
My fucking god. If they tried this shit in New York, they'd get punched in the face. I must say though that when the very pretty prostitute road straight up to me tonight and said, "Hey Mr, you want boom boom with me?" I really didn't mind. I mean shit of course I wanted to hop on the back of her motorbike. Maybe start off with a little ride around the city, then get some tea and see if we hit if off. I don't think that's what she had in mind. If she did, well, I missed my first big chance in Vietnam.

I love and probably miss you,
Roni

ps - Since arriving here 2 days ago, I've received numerous questions from many of you. Rather than answer each individually, I've decided to pick a few of the most common and respond below.

Frequently Asked Questions re: Roni's First 48 hours in Hanoi

Q: Is is true that on your first morning you opened the window, snickered and shouted, more subdued than you would have liked, "Gooooood morning Vietnammmmm!"?
A: Yes.

Q: And is is true you video'd yourself doing that?
A: Maybe. OK yes.

Q: Finally, is it true that today you couldn't open your the door to your room and made the poor old guest house owner climb 5 flights of stairs to show you how to turn a key?
A: Come on now. That's ridiculous.

pps - I thought this was funny. It's the Friendship and Cultural Center, or some shit, probably funded by China or the former USSR. God, it just feels, so, friendly.