I Survive My First Full-Body Thai Massage

Hi people. I had to take a break from my favorite night market (thus far) in all of Thailand to tell you about my first full-body Thai massage.

I leave for Laos tomorrow (woo hoo! my first mostly Communist country, not counting Marin), and so I thought, hey, tonight's the night. Thus far I've gotten 4 or 5 quality foot rubs, but not the whole nine yards.

So I sauntered up to a row of cots, and said, "Do me people!" No really I just sort of gestured, and they were on my like pirannahs.

Well not all of them. One of them. I can't recall her name, but my masseuse was a kind yet stern middle-aged woman who sort of seemed like a cross between Yoda, Frau Farbisana and the women who tries to secude Bill Murray's character in 'Lost in Translation.' (Which I love, and almost ended a relationship over because the girl didn't love it, or really, 'get it'.)

Now where I'm from, the women who gives massage tend to be either unbelievably hot, or, believably gorgeous. And you know this is true. So Frau took a bit of adjusting (pardon the pun) to, but OK, if I wanted sex I could have propositioned the nice young monk who was tending the Wat a few feet away.

Did he just say that? Yes, because it too is true.

So anyway Frau just goes at it with me. Gives me a full pummelling. A few times she actually punched me. Once I swear she had me in a full nelson head lock.

I would have furnished pictures, nut I couldn't reach the camera. In fact, I could barely breathe.

I did manage to snap this massage-ee eye-view of what went down. Actually, it looks more like something went up. But it didn't: it's these funky Thai pants I can't seem to take off myself cus they rock so hard (once again pardon the pun), and the awkward camera angle. Really.

In any case, I must say that despite periods of pain, at times intense pain, and the ever present fear that I might emerged paralyzed from the whole experience, or with a broken femur at the very least, and hence back at Chiang Mai Ram Hospital, I actually feel...great! A little pain for, well, questionable gain. But gain nonetheless!

OK peeps,it's time to meet my French friends one last time (in this incarnation, anyway - oh say it ain't so!) for some full-on grazing back at the night market. Oh to be able to graze once more...heaven, on a stick!

Love,
Roni

ps - Krouzman Health Update
Once again I am feeling good today...and enjoying my first real day of grazing again. Woo hoo!!!

Despite my earlier pledges to batten down the hatches on this ship and avoid street food, I'm back at it. Sort of like the time I thought I was going to die on mushrooms, and swore I would go back to local high schools and tell the kids not to do drugs, for real! I guess I did go back to high schools, more to tell the kids to hate Goerge Bush though.

In any case, here I am downing a delicious pork skewer. It cost 28 cents (the exchange rate has improved by a few percent since I got here!). How can I not indulge when 100 smiling people are offering me everything from meat on sticks and coconut juice shakes to sticky rice with mango and deep fried prawns?!

pps - Juliette Update
OK so this actually wasn't my first full body Thai massage. 3 days ago Juliette gave me one in the park. You see, she and her friend Caroline are here studying massage (Krouzman clenching teeth). So we're at the park, and I say, "Hey Juliette, you need someone to practice on?" And this was in rather good French mind you. And she pauses for a sec and says, "Quoi, Oui." I sort of half laugh but then realize she said Yes, and immediately act as if everything is normal and this is not really that exciting for me and say, "Well, OK. If you must."

It was quite enjoyable, but got off to a bit of an awkward start. I lay back, happy as a clam, and just as she's about to begin, Jueliette says, "Eh, Ro-nee. Yoor feet. Zay are very dertee." Uh, yes. Yes they are. "Oui, Juliette. Une moment," I say, as I shamelessly clean them with my friend Sarah's sarong I for some reason agreed to carry through Asia with me.

Here's another picture of Juliette, wearing my cowboy hat, the one I picked up in the sands of Burning Man, because, as I told her, I am a bad ass and I go to Burning Man. OK, is this getting wierd? Yes. Even I think this is getting wierd. But I just can't keep these pictures from the world.

ppps - I've been away from home for a full month. Woo hoo!