God that was/this is hard

Look I should have greater calamities in life than having to leave tropical paradise.

But it was still hard to leave Ton Sai beach today. Especially as two bombshell Italian stewardesses clad in revealing bikinis and sunbathing on my favorite little beachside bamboo platform on the planet were imploring me to stay, in their luscious accents. Yeah that was really hard.

But alas, here I am, in the Krabi, Thailand airport, about to board a plane to Bangkok. And in less than 48 hours, I'll be on a plane back home.

Home. Wow. It's been 2 and a half months.

I looked at myself in the mirror today in the airport bathroom and thought, "Who is this brown man with the shaved head in the tank top and thai shorts? He looks sort of Latino..."

All sorts of stuff is coming up around heading home. I've wavered between wanting to be on the first plane back to tap water, jeans and friends to wanting to stay a few lifetimes, and mainly the past few days to wanting to stay at least a few more days. Then there's the whole identity stuff, what will I do when I get home, can I still dance/remember how to cook, and will everyone still love me or be really mad that the shit I sold them fell to piece within a few days?

For the most part, my time on Ton Sai and surrounding beaches and teenee islands was wonderful. Sleeping in a bamboo bunaglow in the jungle near the beach. Swimming in warm water surrounded by towering jungle-clad limestone cliffs. Lounging for hours on pillows and platforms, talking and gazing at the moon and gazing at Italians and hanging out with awesome people and speaking Hebrew and French and even playing backgammon.

God it was so relaxing here. And yet I couldn't stop my mind from going into overdrive around my departure and when it should happen and how and why it all means and all that.

I don't know why all the angst, but I sure did feel it. But the fates have made it all a bit easier, deciding for me by putting me on the only flight out of here with available seats for the forseeable future.

Leaving. It can be hard for me. That's probably what's up. I'll do it the best I can. I bet pretty soon after being back in the States it won't even be much of an issue, if one at all.

I'll write more about this I'm sure. For now, I have two nights in Bangkok ahead of me, and one full day, at the perfect time to be there: Songkran, the Thai New Year, which I understand basically involves everyone in the streetsm partying and dumping copious amounts of water on everyone else. I don't see how this couldn't be fun.

The next two days will also give me some time to stay goodbye to this place, and sort out some more what it all has meant.

Much love to you all from Krabi Thailand. Of course one of the best parts of coming home is getting to see so many of you. Awwwww :-)

Love Roni