9 Months Later...Re-Birthing

I am approaching the 24th hour of a 48-hour fast. I'll put aside my East Coast judgments and just write.

Exactly 9 months since my last post (the synchronisity), and I am changed, and changing. Re-birthing.

Here's the down-low.

8 months of growth struggle and moments of beauty and deep connection with a wonderful woman being are over, and I have few regrets. 6 years after starting the non-profit I have nurtured to its current state, I leave, intentionally and with heart, with no regrets and many blessings for its future. All the while, a lot of growth, and a conscious decision to let go and step into a new world, really, at this point, a world between worlds.

I said this would be my year of graceful endings. Little did I know what the universe would have in store for me!

I see myself on a voyage between the world I've know for 31 years - control, reason, holding on, planning, grasping, avoiding, fighting, defending - to a new world, of trust, opening, mystery, flow, meaning, acceptance, purpose, and a sensual connection with life, whatever it brings.

It's not about letting go of all the old. It's about letting go of some of it, and embracing much that is new, and coming into balance as a whole being on this precious planet.

The shift is happening, and it's incredible, and it's terrifying and fascinating and mysterious and makes sense on the deepest level. It's been hard and it has been beautiful and it is bearing a lot of fruit.

It's in my dreams. It's in the pod of 50 dolphins that greeted me at the ocean last week, followed by not one, but 2 shooting stars. It's in the forest. It's in the bat that circled my head a dozen times today when I bowed my head there and asked for guidance. As if the hawk's call and giant redwoods were not enough.

It's been a rich nine months: bonfires on the beach, dear, dear friends, cascading tears, hard, important work, helping elect - and celebrate - a new president!, savoring the spring and summer, weathering anxiety, relaxing deeply, floating in the swimming pool for hours, investing deeply in a relationship, loving, Burning Man!!, new music, dressing up, dancing, working through tough internal stuff, embracing, bit by bit and in a very real, organic way, a new understanding of myself and the world.

There is order. There is mystery. We have a purpose. We are held. Our paths are noble, if we can find and stay on them. Faith is key there. So is nature. And the love of friends. And loving ourselves.

And also, recently for me, dolphins and shooting stars and bats, and feathers and candle light and ritual and fasting. And always writing. We need help on this voyage between worlds. We need help, period.

What's next? Continued transformation is my strong guess. Gelling dreams of travel, to the jungles of Costa Rica, to the solitude of death valley in late December, to New York for my dear sister's wedding, to DC for the inauguration of Barack Obama!, to an as yet unidentified location with my closest male friends, and then, February...to Thailand? Laos? ............

I'm staying open to what comes, to how I feel, to what I need, to messages and meaning and opportunities. I don't know if this is the "right" way to live, but it's feeling more like the only way to me.

Love to you. And thanks for supporting me on this voyage.

I fucking love my new hoodie(s)!

I do. So much. I bought it yesterday in San Francisco at my favorite clothing store, Villains, which I've been to twice and never seem to be able to leave without "dropping" as they say large amounts of money.

My hoodie is amazing. It's part cotton, part cashmere, so soft. Here's me in my hoodie. I feel like Obi Wan, but even cooler.

Believe it or not it's my first hoodie ever! It cost a ridiculous amount of money. I spent more on this hoodie than I've ever spent on any article of clothing (that my mom didn't buy me, cus she bought me this super expensive coat a few years ago, because that's what (jewish) moms do, and also Z Cavaricci jeans that I really didn't want but she insisted I needed in 8th grade that cost $80 in 1992, back when we still had a functional government mostly and $80 was worth something). Anyway part of the fun was flirting with the salesclerk, part of it was my friend Ellis telling me how money I looked in it and begging me to buy it - insisting really - and the best part was when a storm knocked out power for this trendy store and they had to close and I said to the salesclerk, "Get the manager to knock 25% off this, and I'll buy this hoodie right now," which of course is unheard of because we don't live in Calcutta AND this is a trendy store, the kind initially you're not sure you're cool enough for, but my Israeli father trained me well and wouldn't you know, the manager agrees without batting an eye, and I give her a high five and then proudly model my new ___-dollar hoodie to the young salesclerks, most of whom were very supportive of my decision.

So finally, 3 years after the popularization of hoodies, I have a great hoodie. Actually now I have three because I bought two others the next hour, one in the __ range and one just above the _ range at a thrift store. I'm wearing my hoodie now and it feels so good.

OK, enough about hoodies already. Let's talk about something more familiar. Last night I broiled a whole red snapper Mediteranean-style, and made mussels marinara, and we ate it with saffron rice and kale in a beautiful house with sweet, sweet friends. It was the fucking bomb. It's funny whenever Republicans make fun of how we live here in Marin County, cus' I'm like, "Dude, I LOVE my hikes, the beautiful houses here - large and small - the sense of community, the delicious food, the wonderful open people, and yes, the hot tubs! Soaking in a hot tub is epic. If you're making fun of people who like hot tubs you're clearly just jealous that it's too damn humid in your red state to enjoy hot tubbing. Either that or you're straight off the Mayflower."

K, my rant (or as we say here in Marin, "sharing") for the day.

Oh, one more thing. I wish, for those who haven't been to Fairfax, I could fully describe what it's like in the Fairfix Cafe right now (it's always like this here), where my friends Jimmy, Ellis and I (drinking chai, in my hoodie) are all blogging and such. To my left two middle-aged men are having a series of serious discussions ranging from Buddhism to Kale and now to the "Aging Process." In front of me a man in a red wool cap has just purchased a hot chocolate-type drink and taken but one step away from the counter before diving into the whipped cream, which still adorns his mustache. The high school boys who were trying to play the Rocky soundtrack on their harmonica while pretending to ignore the high school girls two tables over have now left, as have the high school girls in the short skirts and tall boots who were pretending not to notice the high school boys. All around me people are enjoying pitas and soups and salads and chais, and my Palestinian counter-guy friend Sa'ad (as often happens between open-hearted Israelis and Palestinians, we became friends the moment we found out we were from the same battered land) is joking with the Yucatanian bus boy, and the middle-aged friends to my left are now on to shoulder injuries and their role in the prevention of enjoying tennis, and now onto the Oscars, right, which are tonight, and Jon Stewart is hosting!, but you might not know it in this town, it's so Norman Rockwell meets Woodstock and I freakin' love it!

Vote Obama Tuesday

Many of you have probably already decided to vote Barack Obama in Tuesday's democratic primary. Great! Do it, and get others to.

Obama is gaining big-time in the polls - he's just short of Hillary now nationally, after being down 20+ points! There is extraordinary momentum around his campaign right now, and I hope he’ll be our next president.

Here's an awesome Obama music video. I found it really inspiring and well produced. www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjXyqcx-mYY&3

Email your friends the video, and encourage them to vote Obama. If you like, you can go to www.moveon.org and pledge to email a certain number of friends and encourage them to vote Obama. These endorsements make a huge difference, especially for people who are less involved politically.

Either way, spread the word. Independent voters, especially young voters, made the difference in Iowa, and they will make the difference this election. People are being saturated with TV ads - but they aren't hearing as much from their friends.

If you are unsure about Obama…
Hhere's my rationale: I think he is more progressive than Hillary, has more integrity, and has a better chance of winning in the November election. Hillary is more corporate and centrist, she seems manipulative (duh), and she's hated by half this country, including many independents.

Most liberals will vote for the democratic nominee no matter what, and most conservatives will vote for the republican. So-called independents will most likely tip the election, as they often do. And Obama has been attracting independents like flies to honey. They love his message of hope and a new, more uniting politics.

If McCain wins the Republican primary, as it seems he probably will, he'll be a tough candidate for democrats to beat, in particular because of his strong appeal to independents. I can't see Hillary beating McCain - but I can see Obama beating him. And we NEED to win the November election, if we want any chance of leaving Iraq and slowing climate change and salvaging our economy and being the kind of nation we'd like to be again.

No, Obama isn't perfect, and he’s light on the details. And of course, our system is deeply flawed. But I believe Obama is better than Hillary, and he has a better chance of beating John McCain or any Republican in November. And I know most anyone reading this email would prefer a President Obama taking office in a year than a President McCain.

Finally, Obama is actually inspiring, which will fire-up the democratic base to work for him and will engage more people in public life, which I believe we desperately need right now.

22 states are holding primaries this Tuesday, and your state is almost certainly one of them. In states like California, you can vote in the Democratic primary even if you aren’t a registered democrat. Please vote.

Peace and thanks,
Roni

PS – Please do not reply to all if you wish to reply, and please email me if you like to let me know if emails like these make a difference. Thanks.

Floods, Epic Hikes and a Mighty Crab Feast!

What a weekend! It rained and rained and rained, and then rained some more, until Friday night when my street literally became a raging flooded river for the second time in two years. While some neighbors fretted over potential damage, which I of course don't wish on anyone (well, almost anyone), I must say I was euphoric. I love, and have always loved, natural disasters, as long as no one dies. There's something about one's street becoming a river that is just so primal - it triggers my male survival what-in-here-would-make-a-good-raft gene, or something.

Needless to say, what water didn't end up in the streets ended up soaking the hills that surround Marin County, and the hikes this weekend were epic, the best they get! I did a two mile loop through the beautiful woods down the street from my house Saturday morning, then met some friends for a 5 mile hike through waterfalls, canyons and forest two miles from my house. So fun and beautiful! Today, I organized a posse of three guy friends to hike Cataract Falls, which I think might be the closest you'll get to Hawaii on the mainland. Picture towering trees, including redwoods, shrouded by a mist and light rain falling on about a mile and a half of cascading waterfalls gushing with torrents of water down 1,000 jungle-like vertical feet. Unreal.

Better yet, view the actual pictures by entering the website of the Fraternorority I preside over and checking out the Cataract Falls Hike 2008 pics. Epic. http://bdsanga.googlepages.com/home

It wasn't all nature this weekend. (Good segue, Krouzman!) I saw a great strange avant garde play put on by the Traveling Jewish Theater Saturday night (which actually included a scene of a guy with a huge fake penis fucking a stuffed deer, something we've all of course envisioned and joked about, but don't really expect to see), then met up with my friend Luke and his friends at El Rincon, a bar / club in San Francisco's Mission District featuring great afro-funk music and more stunningly beautiful women in one place than I think I saw in all of 2007. No offense to any Fairfaxians, there are many beauties among you! It was so "Luke" that when I called he happened to be 2 blocks away at such a cool place and welcomed me with open arms, though he did mess the address up cus he was drunk.

Just when the weekend couldn't get any better, my dear friend Liam rolled into town today for a 2-month stint! After our hike, I cooked up a delicious local crab, spinach salad, rice and brussel sprout feat for him and 4 other good guy friends. It was off the hook. We laughed our asses off and talked about sensitive things like the orphans Ellis has been helping out and Elan's latest charity drive. Also a few other things that aren't fit for my mom's ears. Hi mom! Don't worry, she's cool with the sheep thing cus she spent lots of time on a Kibbutz when she was young. Wow this is dangerous territory.

OK Roni, off to bed. Yay rain, forests, friends, feasts, Obama trouncing Hillary and NOT being sick anymore!

Hikes, Politics and Back to Work

This was my first week back to work after an awesome 3-week vacation. I direct Next Generation, a community organization I founded 5 years ago to help young people learn more about social issues, gain leadership skills and take action for peace and our environment. As much as I believe in what we do, it always feels challenging to come back after an extended break. I certainly feel a burden in my role as director, and boss of 6 people. Saving graces for me are our inspiring programs and the amazing people I work with. Check out www.gonextgeneration.org if you want to learn more.

I went on a beautiful hike with friends this past weekend. It had rained for days, and we hiked probably 6 miles round trip through the beautiful misty hills and valleys of Marin County, where I live, to Carson Falls. Here's what it looked like!

More pics of our little voyage are on-line at www.flickr.com/photos/22247862@N03/sets/72157603682961628/

Wow, that's a mouthful of a URL. You can also click on any of the thumbnails below.

www.flickr.com

Finally, politics. I was elated that Barack Obama won the Iowa Primary, and saddened that he lost New Hampshire. I still think he has a good shot. I know I'm anti-Clinton - she's far too corporate and conservative for my taste. I'm still confused about Obama - I think he's doing a masterful job communicating to some of our deepest hopes for this country and the world, but when I explore the meat of his issues, I find them quite centrist and unispiring. I'll share more of my thoughts in the days to come. In the meantime, I'll say that electoral politics is always a choice between 2, and Obama seems better to me than Clinton. This election will be so very important, and younger adults under 35 may well be the deciding factor, as they were in Iowa.

My First Time Surfing...in Maui!

OK, the much awaited video has arrived. Hookipa, Maui. Famous surf spot. Check me out!

New Year's 2007!!!

Happy New Year everyone! Friends and I celebrated by going out to dinner, then cruisin' between the jam packed rockin' local dive bar, a very mellow gathering around the fire at our friends' house, and a hippie dance party at the local ayurveda center, all very nearby (within 100 yards of each other), and so very far in terms of style! A fun, rich night.

Somehow, I spontaneously grabbed a friend's red slip and dressed like a (hairy) girl. It was fun, confusing, and very cold.

That's me strutting from one party to another in 30 degree weather. God it was cold.

You can thoroughly enjoy more photos on the wesbite for the Fraternorority I run at http://bdsanga.googlepages.com/main Check out BDS New Year's.